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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635508">Hesitancy, Thy Name Be Patience</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWaterGoddess/pseuds/Indelible_Faith'>Indelible_Faith (TheWaterGoddess)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Kinda, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Phandom Reverse Bang 2019, Pride and Prejudice References, Slow Burn, but still keeping it very wholsome here, pride and prejudice au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:28:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWaterGoddess/pseuds/Indelible_Faith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Writing that letter was the toughest thing Daniel had ever done, battling his own emotions and society’s expectations, as he penned down a confession too late in coming.</p><p>“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cornelia Dahlgren/Martyn Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester, PJ Liguori/Sophie Newton, Tom Burns/Jamie Jo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hesitancy, Thy Name Be Patience</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings: Some period typical homophobia, but trying to keep it wholesome here. Lots of implied subtext. </p><p>.<br/>Posted for the Phandom Reverse Bang Winter-2019</p><p>Artist: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutup_turd/pseuds/shutup_turd">@shutup_turd</a></p><p>When I finally get around to posting the art, you'll be <i>mindblown!</i></p><p>Beta: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkesthorizon/pseuds/darkesthorizon">@darkesthorizon</a></p><p>Thank you so so much, you've been a gem!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If there was an advantage to being a member of <em> The Solitary</em>, it was the fact that it was the only gentleman's club in London that catered to the demands of more introverted people like Daniel Howell. </p><p> </p><p>As it stood, the club was famous for its excellent collection of card tables and a selection of finely crafted pastries that looked too good to eat, but too small to fulfill a man's appetite. But then, he supposed, that was probably the appeal of it. The gentlemen of society had strange pastimes. And here we must pose a question: was Mr Howell a gentleman? </p><p> </p><p>It was a slightly debatable topic. His mother's family had made their fortune from trade, most of which was given to her in the form of dowry upon her marriage, her being an only child and sole successor to their now considerable wealth. His father had been a practising barrister, but soon saw the wisdom in purchasing property with the wealth his wife shared with him. Being a lawyer in the 18th century wasn't the most profitable profession after all.</p><p> </p><p>The Howells weren't old money – that was distinctly clear ever since Dan had wrinkled his nose at his first season in London and refused an invitation to <em> The Solitary </em> simply because of how pretentious it sounded. </p><p> </p><p>"But do you regret it?" asked Mr Pentland.</p><p> </p><p>"I must concede I do not," said Mr Howell with a smile, "I thank you for not taking offense to my earlier refusal."</p><p> </p><p>"You must thank Mrs Pentland for that, my young friend! She convinced me that I must be persistent, for the club would be entirely to your tastes once you experienced it."</p><p> </p><p>Louise Pentland, wife of Richard Pentland, had been a blessing in disguise and his saviour in most social situations. Especially ones that involved high society gentry. She had been his "in" to quite a few balls and celebratory dinners, helping him form connections. She was also his buffer in the presence of young eligible women who found his face charming, and his income of three thousand a year – an even more lucrative offer. </p><p> </p><p>Thus when the invitation came for a Christmas Ball, hosted by an intimate friend of Mrs Pentland, Daniel found it difficult to refuse.</p><p> </p><p>"I haven't ever met them, Mrs Pentland."</p><p> </p><p>"You may call me Louise, I've told you before Daniel." Mrs Pentland fanned herself lightly with her fan as they walked down the garden path. "And I'm sure Cornelia would love to meet you!"</p><p> </p><p>Daniel gave a small sigh of exasperation. "Mrs Pentland, I do appreciate the invitation, but socialising in a ball where I won't be knowing more than half the attendees doesn't quite sound appealing."</p><p> </p><p>Louise laughed at that. "I would be surprised if you even remembered most of the people I've introduced you to at previous balls, Daniel! And the entire point is to meet <em> new </em> people, broaden your horizons." She looked pointedly at him.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel returned the look, "I'm not interested in marriage yet, goodness!"</p><p> </p><p>"Very well," said Louise, "but you must at least come meet the Earl's son. See how –"</p><p> </p><p>"– the upper crust lives?" Daniel completed dryly. "So you've said dozens of times. And I come to dine at your house often enough to know that."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>We </em> are not an earldom, Daniel."</p><p> </p><p>"Close enough." </p><p> </p><p>"Why, you flatter me. But I won't accept a refusal, young man!" Here, she grinned. "I did mean it, when I said Cornelia would love to meet you. I've talked about you enough to her that she's curious about my new friend." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm honoured," Daniel said in a deadpan. "Charmed. This is absolutely spiffing, completely–"</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hush! The ball is on the 20th, and general festivities will last throughout the night and into early morning.” At his alarmed look, she added, “Of course, you needn’t stay up all night, and there will be a private dinner on the 21st for family and friends only. Be sure to pack a change of clothes for the journey and–”</p><p> </p><p>"Hold that thought, Mrs Pentland! A two day event? I'm not sure I could take the carriage away for that long, not to mention the travel time." </p><p> </p><p>"You'll be travelling with us, of course," Louside replied, waving her hand dismissively. "All you will require is a footman for your luggage, and a valet." She paused here, considering. "Perhaps not even a valet, I'm sure George can fulfill the duties once he's attended to Mr Pentland." </p><p> </p><p>Daniel could feel himself flush, his cheeks warm at the clear difference in their upbringing and social standing. Louise Pentland was a gentlewoman by birth, a mistress of her own estate – clearly comfortable with commanding and employing a vast number of servants for her comfort. The effortless manner in which she arranged matters, confident that things would happen as she willed them to was something Daniel had not managed to cultivate yet. </p><p> </p><p>Despite being a gentleman, he lacked the airs of one. While he'd gotten used to the feeling everytime he was with Louise, it would occasionally strike him that society expected things from him. Expected him to be able to manage an estate, manage his tenants, host balls himself once he took over his father's duty as head of house, even settle down with a wife and father children. Sometimes he felt that he would cave in to the pressures. </p><p> </p><p>However, he had to admit, forming a friendship with Mrs Pentland was one of the best things to happen to him. Daniel could simply coast along her affable charms while conversing in a group and leave the bulk of social maneuvers to her. She would even anticipate when certain demands made of him were out of his capacity, either financially or otherwise, and take it upon herself to handle them.</p><p> </p><p>"My thanks, Mrs Pentland," he said finally, throat tight with emotion. </p><p> </p><p>She gave him a small smile. "That's settled then. Also, I told you, you may call me Louise. You're too stiff."</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, yes," said Daniel, laughing. "I'll make sure to loosen up before the ball."</p><p> </p><p>"You better," she said, vaguely threatening as she bopped him on the head with her fan, "I meant it when I said Cornelia would love to make your acquaintance, so pull out your best charms for her."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Daniel was in the midst of writing a letter when his brother knocked on the door. </p><p> </p><p>"You're going to the Lester's Christmas Ball, I hear."</p><p> </p><p>"Didn't know you were interested, brother."</p><p> </p><p>Adrian hummed as he leaned against the desk, watching Daniel sign off. He held out the blotting paper for him, who accepted it with a nod. </p><p> </p><p>"Sending it to the law firm?" </p><p> </p><p>Daniel finally looked away from his work, "Adrian, speak. What is it you wanted to tell me?"</p><p> </p><p>Adrian looked a bit uncomfortable to be put on the spot, but replied nonetheless. "Do you plan to marry soon, brother?" </p><p> </p><p>That took him by surprise. "Marry? Goodness, why do you think so!"</p><p> </p><p>"Mother has been looking at prospective wives for you. And you've been going to a lot of balls and dinners the past few months." The last was said with a slight accusing tone. It seemed as if Adrian was quite convinced that his brother was seeking to marry finally. </p><p> </p><p>Daniel paused, wondering whether it was truly so, and realised with a start that Adrian was right. </p><p> </p><p>"No," said Daniel finally, "I can assure you well enough that I have no plans to marry anytime soon."</p><p> </p><p>"You'll be turning twenty-eight next year brother, isn't that usually the age when one starts looking for a wife?" </p><p> </p><p>"And you shall be turning twenty-two, soon," countered Daniel, "isn't that usually the age one should start applying for a job?"</p><p> </p><p>Adrian shrugged and mumbled something. Daniel raised an eyebrow as he held a stick of wax over the candle, waiting for it to melt. </p><p> </p><p>"Louder, Adrian."</p><p> </p><p>"I said, there's the estate."</p><p> </p><p>"The estate that the farmers tend to," said Daniel, "and the orchard that the gardeners look after, and the ranch the stable hands manage." </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, yeah, I get it. But I didn't go to Oxford to learn how to farm." Adrian scowled at his brother when he simply dropped a bit of wax on the envelope to seal the letter, ignoring him. "Why did you even become a barrister? You don't need the extra money, we earn enough from the profits of our crops!"</p><p> </p><p>"It is Father's law firm, someone had to manage it."</p><p> </p><p>"You don't manage it, though," said Adrian, "you actually <em> take part </em> in court sessions."</p><p> </p><p>"An intimate way of knowing the business we are investing in."</p><p> </p><p>They waited in silence as the wax dried slightly, allowing Daniel to press the seal of the law firm onto it. He finally turned to face his brother. </p><p> </p><p>"Take this letter to the firm tomorrow. Accompany Mr Robberts as he goes about his work. He will give you a brief outlook as to how the firm is run."</p><p> </p><p>Adrian accepted the envelope, a frown on his face. "If I'm going to run errands for you, give me an internship at the firm." </p><p> </p><p>Daniel raised a brow, questioning, "You'll commit to it?" </p><p> </p><p>"I will be demanding a stipend like everyone else!"</p><p> </p><p>Daniel laughed. "Of course. Off with you now, let me prepare for the Christmas Ball."</p><p> </p><p>Adrian nodded, then paused halfway out the door. "None of the gentlemen at that fancy ball will be doing any actual work either, you know."</p><p> </p><p>"More's the pity."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The Pentland's carriage arrived on dewy Saturday morning, the coachman pulling the door open to reveal Mr and Mrs Pentland. Both had dressed warm yet elegant for the trip, and smiled warmly at Daniel as he joined them. </p><p> </p><p>Mrs Pentland waved at the younger Howell brother as he saw Daniel off. "Do let me know when you shall complete your studies, won't you? After you begin work maybe, I could introduce you to a few young mistresses. Perhaps you might enjoy the London Season more than your brother." </p><p> </p><p>Adrian shook hands with Mr Pentland and bowed over his wife's. "The answer to that is never, if my brother has a say about it." </p><p> </p><p>"Careful there, brother, you make me sound like a dictator," said Daniel, laughing as he pulled on his travelling gloves. </p><p> </p><p>"Of course not, my lord," Adrian mock bowed at him, to general amusement, "can't ruin your unapproachable reputation, I'll mind my words." </p><p> </p><p>"Well, we'll be off then," said Louise as Daniel's trunk was loaded onto the carriage. "Have a good week, Adrian!"</p><p> </p><p>Adrian waved them off till the carriage turned around the curb, and Daniel settled in to watch the landscape as they soon left the bustling streets of London for greener pastures of the country. </p><p> </p><p>They said it took three days to travel from London to Leicestershire, but everyone knew it took six. This was evidenced by the frequent stoppages at inns and the occasional ranch. </p><p> </p><p>"Nearly two hundred kilometres!" Daniel said with an air of ignorance, and Louise laughed. </p><p> </p><p>"What is the farthest you've travelled?" </p><p> </p><p>"Essex, where my father hailed from." </p><p> </p><p>"Lord, that's barely half a day of travel!" Mr Pentland shook his head, "We must be thankful you have the constitution to endure a long journey."</p><p> </p><p>"Haven't you been to Hampshire, though?" Said Louise, "We met you there, at the </p><p>Spring festival."</p><p> </p><p>"I had travelled for work, madam, and took a train for efficiency," said Dan.</p><p> </p><p>"Trains," scoffed Louise, "that is no way to enjoy the beauty of nature. If one must travel, it should be by coach!"</p><p> </p><p>As the conversation turned to mundane topics before stalling into a comfortable silence, Daniel had to admit that Louise was right. Travelling by a horse-drawn carriage certainly had its merits. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The evening of the 19th, they checked into an inn, allowing the horses some respite and themselves a chance to freshen up. The last leg of their journey took place early the next morning and they rode into the grounds of Eadburg Estate. </p><p> </p><p>Daniel's first impression of the estate was of its well maintained lawns and the rows of trees planted on either side of the lane that lead up to the house. The carriage followed the well-worn path up to the estate, where the coachman stood to open the door while another footman disappeared into the house, presumably to announce their arrival. Despite initial protests, Daniel found himself anticipating the evening. </p><p> </p><p>Mrs Lester had come to welcome them, closely followed by her husband, the first son and heir to the earldom. They looked every inch a nobility. </p><p> </p><p>"You've made good time," said Mrs Lester warmly, ushering them into the parlour. Mrs Pentland had sent a letter ahead to inform of their arrival, and it seemed her predictions of arriving early morning were true. "The Flints only arrived last evening, and of course my sister came last week." </p><p> </p><p>In the parlour, they were introduced to the hosts for the Christmas Ball. Daniel was the only one needing a particular mention, as the Pentlands were previously acquainted. In deference to their long journey, the conversation was kept to a minimum and they were led to their rooms soon after.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"The Lord and Lady Burns are in attendance," said Louise after she'd made a customary turn around the ballroom with her husband. </p><p> </p><p>Daniel glanced over to where she was discreetly pointing. "Lady Josephine Burns, the art connoisseur?" </p><p> </p><p>"Possibly the most accomplished woman I've had the pleasure to meet," said Mr Pentland, "Not only is their estate a home to works of various artists, but also her own! Never have I seen such talent as that which she possesses."</p><p> </p><p>Daniel had heard of her; she often auctioned off her paintings and donated the money she earned off of them to charities. And Lord Thomas Burns was one of those men who were utterly devoted to their wives, for he could be heard extolling his wife's virtues whenever he could. </p><p> </p><p>When Louise asked him if he'd liked to be introduced, he agreed. Lord Burns was in conversation with two other gentlemen when they drew close, his wife nowhere to be seen. </p><p> </p><p>"Gentlemen, may I introduce my young friend Mr Howell of London. Mr Howell, Dr Lester, Lord Burns of Sussex." </p><p> </p><p>The third gentleman was introduced as Dr Newton, a colleague of Dr Lester. Daniel had been introduced to the older Lester brother earlier that morning and he could see the resemblance. But the thing that had him confused was –</p><p> </p><p>"Doctor?" </p><p> </p><p>Their company laughed as the man in question shrugged and smiled. "Not exactly what you expect the son of an earl to be doing, is it?" </p><p> </p><p>"Most would think of enlisting in the army," Daniel agreed.</p><p> </p><p>"The more accurate term <em> would </em> be army doctor," Dr Newton interjected, "but we do have credentials to practice as physicians."</p><p> </p><p>"Been relieved from the army in official capacity then? I would like to see you more often than I do," said Louise a little regretfully. </p><p> </p><p>"We've served the minimum required time," said Dr Lester. </p><p> </p><p>They conversed a little longer on the topic before their attention was diverted. The music had begun, the Earl and Countess taking their positions to begin the first dance. Martyn Lester stood at the outskirts with his wife, waiting for the dip in music midway through the first dance, to enter. Lady Cornelia looked towards them in that instant, smiling and beckoning. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh dear," said Dr Lester, "was I supposed to begin the dance with them? Goodness, I must search for a partner." </p><p> </p><p>"My good man, have you not asked a lady for the first set yet?" Dr Newton's rebuke was paid no heed to, for he was busy craning his neck to see if any woman in attendance was unengaged.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel found himself quietly amused at the openly fretting doctor. Lord Burns looked resigned, as if it were not uncommon to see his friend in this particular situation. </p><p> </p><p>Louise called his attention back, "Are acquainted with Miss Catherine Valdes? She seems to be standing all by her lonesome by the windows."</p><p> </p><p>Dr Lester turned to see the woman in question and shook his head. "Oh no, she is not much for ballroom dancing. She is here solely to appease my sister, and for the promise of a good horse race."</p><p> </p><p>Lady Burns found her way back to her husband's side just then, bringing along Mrs Newton with her which brought about an expression of relief on Dr Lester's face. </p><p> </p><p>"Madam! If you would do me the honour, please join me for the first set?"</p><p> </p><p>Mrs Newton raised an eyebrow, "Do you mean to tell me you had forgotten once more?" She glanced at her husband, "Very well, unless you fancy a round around the ballroom dear?"</p><p> </p><p>Dr Newton clapped his friend on the back, "Lester is as likely to trip over your gown as I am, Sophia. I think I shall spare myself the indignity since I'm not being forced to dance." </p><p> </p><p>That settled, the two moved towards the centre just in time. As both brothers stepped forward to face their partners, moving in sync and probably memory, Daniel had to assume Dr Newton was merely jesting. Not once through the entire sequence did Dr Lester falter or misstep. </p><p> </p><p>When the music petered off and then slowly began to signify the second dance, more couples joined the floor. </p><p> </p><p>"It is the 30th Christmas ball they've held," said Louise suddenly, "Once every year since Martyn was born and they make sure to send an invitation to every family in Leicestershire.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel blinked in surprise. "That's… extravagant. But I suppose the Count can afford a Christmas ball once a year."</p><p> </p><p>Louise laughed. "Oh, it's a celebratory ball more than a Christmas ball. Both sons were born in the winter months you see, but the Countess didn't have the easiest time conceiving," her voice had lowered now, and she leaned closer, "It was quite certain after her second born that they would not have any more. Her health was quite fragile – it is why Philip seems to have pursued the path of a physician."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm surprised he isn't simply helping his brother manage the estate. The Lesters seem to be a close knit family, I cannot see Lady Cornelia exiling her brother to townhouse or otherwise."</p><p> </p><p>"He did go to Oxford though," Lousie pointed out, "and you know how the mentality of younger brothers there are - the rich usually have an heir and a spare - it is expected that they will have to find a means of income once their house gets a new mistress." </p><p> </p><p>Daniel frowned and turned away at that. He had been to Oxford, he knew what she meant – the impermanence of wealth was one of the reasons he'd decided to become a barrister, even though he knew that his parents had saved up enough for him and Adrian so that they would never have to work. </p><p> </p><p>Speaking of Adrian, did he feel a similar kind of worry? Was that the reason why he had asked Daniel if he was planning to marry soon?</p><p> </p><p>His troubled musings took him away from the ballroom and towards the open balcony. The cool air stung his face and he could already feel the tip of his nose going numb. But a little removed from the ballroom, the music was faint and the distance allowed him to clear his mind. He felt the beginnings of a headache.</p><p> </p><p>"I shouldn't have come," said Daniel, pinching the base of his nose. </p><p> </p><p>He wondered if it would be too rude to turn in for the night just as the dancing had begun – what <em> was </em> the acceptable time to retire for bed during a ball anyway? Perhaps he could sneak away –</p><p> </p><p>"Damn!"</p><p> </p><p>Daniel whipped around just in time to see Dr Lester stumble through the large French windows, tripping over the drapery and managing to flail slightly before getting back his balance. </p><p> </p><p>He looked up to see Daniel watching him. "Oh! Sorry, I wasn't aware – I didn't mean to disturb – oh dear, I'll just leave –"</p><p> </p><p>Daniel laughed. It was strange. He hadn't felt this amused all night. But watching the son of the earl – a doctor to boot! That was unexpected – behave like an uncoordinated foal as it tried to walk in a line, and curse freely… that was what made him laugh. </p><p> </p><p>"Feel free to join me, I just came out for a breath of fresh air." Daniel smiled and received a tentative one in return.</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't get to introduce myself properly before. Dr Philip Lester, at your service." He attempted a half bow, then laughed and put forth his hand instead.</p><p> </p><p>"Daniel Howell," he said in return, accepting the handshake. "You must pardon me, but <em> how </em> in the world did you manage to trip over drapery, yet spin so elegantly across the ballroom only minutes ago?"</p><p> </p><p>Dr Lester laughed, a little sheepish as he said, "Only years of practice saved me from making a fool myself then, Mr Howell, over twenty years of practice!"</p><p> </p><p>"You must have begun young."</p><p> </p><p>Lester hummed vaguely in reply, and sensing that the doctor had come out onto the balcony for solitude like he had, Daniel simply let the conversation end. When he retired to his room later that night after bidding the Pentlands farewell, his mind was preoccupied with the sense of strange camaraderie shared with the second master of the Lester family. </p><p> </p><p>"None of the gentlemen at that fancy ball will have ever done any actual work," Adrian had said. Daniel had agreed then, but now found himself with a differing opinion. </p><p> </p><p><em> 'The son of an earl and a doctor?' </em> Daniel mused as he slipped under the bed covers. The Christmas dinner seemed somewhat promising now.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Glossary:<br/>Eadburg: Ead means 'Fortune' and burg means 'Fortress'.<br/>(because I spent a stupid 30 mins looking for a nice name for the Lester Estate, so you should know what it means too)</p><p>.</p><p>Also, funnily enough, i *am* trying to maintain historical accuracy - lord only knows he number of things I've googled to check their dates if invention and if they were before the publication of Jane Austen's P&amp;P lmao. <br/>Fun fact: Yes, trains had been invented by then.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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